As everyone deals with pet loss differently; you and your partner may have different coping mechanisms and your grief may manifest itself in other ways. It is important to be aware of this as it will enable you to better understand why you may not be feeling or acting the same way as your partner, which in turn will allow you to support them more effectively.
The best piece of advice I can give when it comes to supporting your partner is to listen. It always seems like the most obvious thing but to really listen to someone and make them feel listened to can go a long way when it comes to grief. Go out of your way to actively listen; where possible stop what you are doing, put your phone down, mute the tv and just listen. No interruptions, no distractions, just let them talk. Active listening is a technique used in a variety of care professions, to help people open up and really feel heard. A quick summary of active listening: maintain eye contact, open body language, allow their sentence to finish before speaking, nodding, ask open ended questions and paraphrase what they have said back to them so they know you have listened and understood. Utilising this will allow your partner to get all their thoughts and feelings out of their mind as well as giving you a better understanding of what they are going through.
Next piece of advice is to provide validation and reassurance. This is really important when it comes to your partner feel as though you are there for them and they can lean on you when needed. If they are feeling more heightened emotions than you are, don’t make them feel like they are being dramatic or overexaggerating just because that isn’t what you are experiencing, acknowledge that you know everyone’s grieving process looks differently rather than belittling their grief.
A really easy way of supporting your partner is being present for them during their grief and it can make a huge difference, they won’t feel so alone and having your company could provide them with a lot of comfort. All it takes sometimes is to just be in the room, no need to talk if they don’t seem up to it, being with them so they aren’t by themselves can be all the support they need at certain moments.
Sharing memories can also bring comfort to someone during their grieving journey, reflecting on special times they shared with their beloved pet and remembering happier times, if your partner initiates a conversation like this, do your best to welcome it and encourage them to share. This can be quite upsetting during the conversation but the release of emotion can be a huge weight off of their shoulders and can bring more positivity into their mind.
Some general things to avoid when it comes to your grieving partner would be: providing unsolicited advice, being judgemental, making assumptions, dismissing their pain, making bright-side statements and telling them to move on.
You will likely be able to gauge what it is that your partner needs without them explicitly saying it, observe their behaviours and do what you think is best to support them. Things will eventually get better, grief takes time and readjusting to life without a pet can be very difficult, be patient and everything will be fine.
Comments